SPIKES & SPARKLES 19 (+18)

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          Ngozi watched every movement made by Seyi and Funmi as they sat opposite her, she took note of everything; she needed to take note of these things to measure the nervousness in the room and to know the best way to approach the couple. Being a good counselor has to do with a lot of things such as; having the gift to touch people’s heart, to make them trust you and open up to you.To be able to establish a rapport with the clients’, to patiently listen attentively with an open mind to them so as to be able to identify the clients’ challenges or problems objectively.

 

Knowing the problem was the first step, allowing both of them to speak their heart in front of each other or separately if you sensed they were holding back in front of their partner was the second step. As a counselor, when it was time to speak, you must be able to assure your clients. Everyone likes to be assured that their problem was not uncommon but also you have to treat them as uniquely as possible, they must feel special.

 

          Ngozi smiled at Funmi as she offered her the water, she sipped from it. She decided to make small talk to ease the tension in the room, what best way to start than to talk about something they both loved? The children!

 

‘So how are the kids? Richard should be a big boy now.’ Ngozi said starting her therapy, unknown to the couple.
Funmi smiled and looked at Seyi who was smiling too, Seyi answered to Ngozi’s comment.

‘Oh yes, he’s a big boy and he tells us every day!’ Ngozi observed that Funmi has allowed Seyi to respond meaning she still respected her husband and still looked up to him. Ngozi asked again,

‘Are the girls still naughty and troublesome?’ If Seyi still adores his wife, if he still listens to her and if he still respects her, he will let her answer the second question. Ngozi watched as Seyi looked at Funmi this time, Funmi answered Ngozi.

‘Very very! But Richard is still their boss!’ Ngozi laughed. Well, this couple still adore and have respect for each other, she moved to the next stage which was finding out if they communicate these feelings to each other.

‘Wow Funmi, your house is so neat and beautiful; no one can believe you have three children! You need to see my house with just one kid! How do you do it?’ Ngozi said honestly but also searching for answers. She needed Seyi to answer this one, if he didn’t, it meant he was telling his wife how much he really cared, loved and appreciated her. Seyi was proud of his wife accomplishment, you could see it on his face as he grinned, but he didn’t say anything, Funmi answered Ngozi.

‘Arh, don’t be deceived oo, it’s because they are at my dad’s place, if they were around, I assure you, you will be sitting on toys and stepping on teddy bears!’ They all laughed. The tension in the room has gone down and the couple was relaxed. It was time to get down to serious business.

 

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          ‘Okay guys, we are all here for one reason; the betterment of this family. I want you to relax and see me as a friend who wishes you well, which of course I am. I know the past two days have been happy and beautiful, it feels like everything is back to normal but trust me, it is not. I want you guys to go back to your heart and dig very deep into the past. Bring back the pain, anger, hurt, expectation and disappointment. I want you to tell each other why you changed or why you think things changed around here. Please have it in mind that we are not here to point fingers or shift blames, we are here to look for a solution, a lasting solution. It’s very clear you still love each other and you are willing to work things out. Both of you have taken the first step which is acknowledging there is a problem. It is time to identify the problems and the problems’ origin.’ Ngozi stopped to drink water and to watch the reaction of the couple. They were both listening closely. She saw all kinds of emotions crossing their faces at different times of her speech.

 

‘We can do this in two ways; you can talk to me together or separately. Which one do you want?’ she watched them, both of them were confused; they were thinking of what they were going to say and how much it would hurt or affect the other person. They obviously still care very much about each other, they didn’t know which to pick; which was a good sign. If they decided to go for separate counseling, then there was trouble. She offered them a simpler way out.

 

‘How about we do it together but if there’s something you will rather not say in your partner’s presence, then he or she will excuse us. Is that okay?’
She watched as the both physically sank into the couch with relief, she didn’t realize they were both holding their breath until they breathed in relief. Both of them nodded their agreement and Seyi confirmed it verbally, his voice hoarse.

‘That will be fine.’

 

‘Great!! Today all we are going to do is write down our problems and why we are angry and listen to music. Finally, we are going to choose two songs that match our feelings. Then we will discuss it tomorrow.’ She told them, opened her briefcase and brought out some items which consisted of; two brown files with materials in it, two phone memory cards, two small jotters and two black ink ball point pen.

 

‘If we are going to do this and get the desired result, there are rules and regulation you must follow. This jotter and pen are for you to write into. I want you to put down everything that comes into your mind as your partner’s offense or crime, the things that hurt you and got you angry. You can only write it with this pen on this particular jotter and you can’t cancel anything you put down into this book, if you think you’ve made a mistake or wish to cancel something, just write the letter M beside it. Last but not the least; your partner can’t see what you have written down. Okay?’ she asked.

‘OK.’

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          They replied in unison and she handed them each a pen and jotter. It wasn’t really necessary for them to use the items she gave them but it was controlled tactics. She must be firm and disciple and they must trust and obey her. She didn’t want them canceling anything they might write down because every single thing counts. She didn’t want them to see what they have written down because that can be dangerous to this mission.

 

‘In these memory cards are music, each memory cards have different songs meant for each of you separately. I want you to put it on your phone of laptop and listen to it very well and pick two songs that matched your mood when you were writing in this book. You can only listen with an earphone; your partner must not hear what you are listening to. Can we do that?’ she asked again and they nodded. She was lying to them, the songs on the memory cards were the same, she just wanted them to choose according to their feelings and not because the other chose it. She felt the tension slipping back into the room.

 

‘This is really not hard, I just want you to take it seriously and follow the instructions. It’s really simple I promise you.’ She assured them smiling before continuing.

‘In these files are the lyrics of the songs in the memory card for better clarity and understanding.’ She said handing it to them.

‘Finally, I want you guys in separate rooms from now on till the end of this exercise. You can talk to each other only if it’s very important. No contact at all, okay? It’s just for a few days.’ She almost burst into laughter when she saw the disbelieving and disappointing look on their faces. You guys have not been having regular sex for years now, what’s the big deal if you abstain for a few days, she thought.

‘Don’t forget to write it down and listen to the songs. Awww! I almost forgot, please type everything you write down and print two copies out also send it to me, my email is on the jotter. OK guys, that’s all for today, we will continue same time tomorrow if it’s okay with you?’ She said closing her briefcase. Seyi and Funmi looked at each other and nodded.

‘Yes it’s okay.’

 

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          Funmi has always been a great cook and Ngozi knew that, some beautiful aroma has been tormenting her nostrils since she entered this house and her stomach was complaining of food. She needed to lighten the mood anyway so she said,

‘Now I’ve been sitting here enduring the torture coming from your kitchen and I can’t take it anymore! Please, I want some of whatever it is! I’m hungry.’ Funmi broke into a big grin and Seyi too smiled.

‘I baked earlier; I will get you some and then make something for us to eat. You are staying for dinner right?’

‘If you are cooking, I am staying!’ she said laughing. Ngozi said and Funmi stood up and headed towards the kitchen, Seyi who has been quiet called after her,

‘I want cake too, a big one!’

‘Enhen, finish everything today, thief!’ Funmi replied. Ngozi laughed. This family is going to be alright after all!  She said to herself

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…To be continued…

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Written and edited by Olatorera

© 2015 by IBIOLAT communications.